2000: Battlefield Earth.

Alien overlord Terl (John Travolta) holds a gun on human prisoner Jonnie (Barry Pepper).

Release Date: May 10, 2000. Running Time: 117 minutes. Screenplay: Corey Mandell, J. D. Shapiro. Based on the novel by: L. Ron Hubbard. Producer: Jonathan Krane, Elie Samaha, John Travolta. Director: Roger Christian.


THE PLOT:

In the year 3000, humanity is on the verge of extinction, having regressed into isolated camps of primitive tribes. Jonnie (Barry Pepper) clashes with his tribe, wanting to move beyond their meager hunting grounds - something the elder refuses because it could draw the attention of the "demons." Jonnie scoffs, refusing to believe in such superstition, and goes off on his own - only to end up captured by the very demons he didn't believe in.

The "demons" are actually Psychlos, aliens who conquered Earth long ago. That battle lasted only nine minutes, Earth's defenses no match for the aliens' technology. Now the Psychlos are strip-mining the planet for its gold and using the surviving humans as slave labor. Their security chief, Terl (John Travolta), is weary of Earth and the "man-animals" that infest it. Unfortunately for him, he offended an influential senator, and his assignment to this primitive backwater is his punishment.

Seeing Jonnie's resourcefulness in the form of multiple escape attempts, Terl comes up with a plan. He will secretly train Jonnie and other "man-animals" to use mining tools, allowing them to extract gold that radiation would otherwise make permanently inaccessible. This violates Psychlo law, but that's no barrier - With some judiciously arranged evidence, Terl can make sure that any consequences fall anywhere but on him. With that gold, he will be able to buy his way back to his home planet.

Jonnie eagerly accepts every bit of training he's given. All the while, he hatches a plan of his own - to use the knowledge Terl is forcing on him not merely to escape, but to take Earth back from its alien overlords!

Terl gives Jonnie a flying lesson, presumably to make it easier for Jonnie to stage a rebellion.

CHARACTERS:

Terl: "While you were still learning how to spell your name, I was being trained to conquer galaxies!" Terl repeatedly rants to his subordinate, Ker, about how he ranked at the top of the Academy. Me? I suspect Terl was named "#1 Dunce" and didn't comprehend the sarcasm, because he doesn't do one intelligent thing the entire length of the movie. His grand plan involves training humans to mine - which for some reason entails educating Jonnie about everything from geometry to human history, giving the human everything he needs to successfully rebel. I suppose just teaching the use of mining tools would have been too complicated. John Travolta gives the same performance he always trots out when playing the bad guy: screaming while contorting his face and gesticulating wildly. Oh, and he and the other Psychlos cackle so constantly that I started to wonder what was in the colored goo they all drink.

Jonnie Goodboy Tyler: At least Travolta shows some emotion. Barry Pepper, as Jonnie Goodboy Tyler (yes, that's the character's name, though I don't think he's ever called anything but "Jonnie"), mostly assumes the same expression throughout, one that would be best described as "vacant stare." I've seen Pepper give decent performances, as in Saving Private Ryan and HBO's 61. Maybe he was trying to underplay to create contrast with the Psychlos? Or perhaps he was just told not to actually act lest he steal focus from star/co-producer John Travolta.

Ker: Terl is an idiot with a certain base cunning; Ker, his deputy, is just an idiot, to such a point that it's remarkable that his brain can process the power of speech. His job in the story is to listen as Terl rants exposition and to join Terl in his frequent maniacal laughs - Oh, and to be on hand if his boss needs a patsy. Forest Whitaker gives what may be the only bad performance I've ever seen from him. Half of his scenes see him cackling along with Terl. The rest of the time, he just sort of stares off into space, looking as if he'd rather be anywhere but in front of director Roger Christian's constantly tilted cameras. To the surprise of no one, he would later express regret for doing this movie.

Carlo: Prolific Canadian character actor Kim Coates plays Jonnie's right-hand man, whose purpose is to provide someone for Jonnie to describe his plan to. Through some well-judged reactions and facial expressions, Coates manages to invest this cipher with the illusion of a personality. As a result, he's the one performer to escape this mess with dignity intact.

Chrissy: Sabine Karsenti is Jonnie's girlfriend, who may as well just be named "Girl." She has a critical role in the story: To get captured, so that Terl can use her as leverage against Jonnie. I'm guessing that if a sequel had been made, she would have ended up filling the other time-honored roles for women in bad sci-fi: first getting pregnant and then getting fridged.

Chirk: Kelly Preston supports hubby John Travolta's vanity project by popping up for a cameo as a Psychlo femme fatale used by Terl to gain leverage against a rival. Preston actually does fine with what little she's given - far better, I would say, than Travolta does with his very large part. I certainly don't see anything in her performance to merit her Razzie for Worst Supporting Actress.

Jonnie, inside the ruins of a library.

"SAY SOMETHING NICE":

Battlefield Earth is bad, to put it mildly. Still, every so often, I caught a glimpse of an idea that could have been interesting. Nothing in this is in any way original, from the tribes of primitive humans in a post-Apocalyptic wasteland to the alien society that's built around corporate profits. Still, there was some potential in these aspects of the story, had the film simply picked one or two of those elements to develop. As it stands, any moment with potential is gone in the film's mad rush to fit in the next thing - but those moments can be glimpsed just often enough to imagine a version of this that might have been halfway decent.


"SO... WHAT WERE THEY ON?"

Rarely has such a big budget movie been so ineptly made. Just about every shot uses an exaggerated Dutch angle, even for basic dialogue scenes. Every scene features ridiculously frenetic editing, with shots of characters quick-cutting to slightly closer shots of the same characters and then back again for no readily apparent reason. I think director Roger Christian is trying to make it visually exciting, to imbue the silly script with an epic quality. But the tilted angles just accentuate the silliness, and the combination of that with the editing and the severe color grading makes it unpleasant to watch on a basic sensory level.

Terl and his deputy, Ker (Forest Whitaker), laugh maniacally. There's a lot of this.

OTHER MUSINGS:

For its first half, I was kind of enjoying Battlefield Earth in the same way I can enjoy Plan 9 from Outer Space or the Star Trek episode, Spock's Brain. Everything is wrong with this movie. For a while though, it's so wrong and wrong in just the right ways to be accidentally funny, particularly as John Travolta swaggers around sneering about "man-animals" while cackling like a loon.

Then the plot kicks into gear. This turns out to be a bad thing, as the back half is not only stupid, but also labored.

There's a blinkered energy to the first half, the script seeming desperate to jam in any set piece the writers could come up with. Jonnie makes no less than three escape attempts, only one of which is needed to advance the plot. He fights for dominance against another prisoner, which doesn't lead to anything. I doubt even the writers could explain the purpose of a scene in which Terl lets Jonnie go in order to determine what his favorite food is. But all of this zips along, the barrage of idiocy coming too fast for it to become boring.

The fun stops when the story takes over. It remains stupid, but it also becomes mechanical. Most of the screen time is devoted to establishing what the humans will use in their rebellion. Jonnie somehow has free reign to travel around the entire continental U. S., allowing him to find gold bars in Fort Knox and fighter planes at Fort Hood. Those fighters are in perfect working order, with neither the planes themselves nor the jet fuel (!) having decayed over centuries. Oh, and there's a flight simulator, which is all the explanation needed for how people who don't understand glass can learn how to fly like combat veterans (offscreen - there isn't even a cheesy training montage).

The final battle. Good luck following any of it.

The final battle is poorly staged, with the ugly visuals and hyperactive editing making it impossible to tell what's going on. There's a lot of shooting, some explosions, and lots of people running around while glass explodes. To the script's credit, Jonnie's plan does encounter complications a couple of times. To the script's discredit, these complications are resolved in jaw-droppingly stupid ways. The worst of these: a frustrated Terl inexplicably smashes the very button Jonnie needs to press. Because, as established, Terl is an idiot with zero impulse control.

On the plus side, Battlefield Earth has something lacking in too many films designed to start a franchise: It has an ending. Even though a sequel was intended, the resolution is sufficient that anyone who was somehow invested in the story will come away satisfied. The movie may be inept and idiotic, but at least it feels complete.

The Psychlos hold Jonnie's girlfriend (Sabine Karsenti) hostage. Because of course they do.

THE OTHER NOMINEES:

2000 is one of those rare cases in which I've seen none of the Razzie-nominated movies. I doubt any of them is worse than Battlefield Earth, though in fairness they all sound pretty bad:

Book of Shadows - Blair Witch 2: How do you follow up a surprise hit that popularized the found footage horror genre? Apparently, by making a film with no connection to the first, and by hiring a documentary director to make what isn't a found footage film. Oh, and there was studio interference in the edit, which always goes so well.

The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas: I already found the 1994 Flintstones to be pretty bad, but it was a financial hit. Enough of a hit that Universal was undeterred when star John Goodman had no interest in making a sequel. The solution? Make a prequel, with younger versions of the characters! The movie bombed hard, which thankfully put an end to future live action Flintstones projects.

Little Nicky: Adam Sandler finally ended his run of hits with this alleged comedy in which he plays the son of the devil. Reviews were horrible, but that was nothing new for Sandler. This time, though, he failed to even please his fans, with the movie only making back a little over half of its production budget.

The Next Best Thing: Madonna returns to the Razzies with this drama, in which she has a child with her gay best friend (Rupert Everett), culminating in a custody battle. Director John Schlesinger reportedly found Madonna impossible to work with, even going so far as to partially blame her diva-like behavior for his 1999 heart attack. Sadly, this ended up being his last movie, an unworthy end to a long career.

Jonnie tricks Terl. Which isn't hard, because Terl is an idiot.

OVERALL:

Battlefield Earth is almost worth watching for the insane incompetence of it. Absolutely everything is bad: costumes, dialogue, color grade, camera angles, performances. John Travolta overacts; Barry Pepper barely acts; and Forest Whitaker looks like he's rethinking his life choices.

For a while, it almost works as a "so-bad-it's-good" title. But the second half settles down to focusing on the story, at which point all the fun drains away. What remains is a poorly made mess that ends with a horribly shot and edited action set piece. The second half is not merely boring, it's positively numbing, with it all but impossible to tell what's going on during the big climax.


Rating: Turkey.

Worst Picture - 1999: Wild Wild West
Worst Picture - 2001: Freddy Got Fingered (not yet reviewed)

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