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| The Village People perform "YMCA." |
Release Date: June 20, 1980. Running Time: 124 minutes. Screenplay: Allan Carr, Bronte Woodard. Producer: Allan Carr, Henri Belolo, Jacques Morali. Director: Nancy Walker.
THE PLOT:
Jack Morell (Steve Guttenberg) dreams of being a successful music composer. There's only one thing stopping him: Reality.
But that pesky impediment goes away fast when he gets a guest DJ spot at a nightclub and whines until his roommate, Sam (Valerie Perrine) agrees to come. Sam is blown away by Jack's music. Since she just so happens to be a recently retired supermodel (who somehow is roommates with a dead-end loser), she already has all the contacts needed to get a group together, cut a demo, and eventually hold auditions.
Soon, The Village People have been assembled. Now all they need is to play a single large venue (because that's how the music industry works, right?), and then their entertainment fortunes will be assured...
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| Jack (Steve Guttenberg) whines to his roommate, Sam (Valerie Perrine), until she agrees to do all the actual work for him. |
CHARACTERS:
Jack Morell: Loosely based on Jacques Morali, the gay French-born composer/record producer who effectively created The Village People in real life. "Jack Morell" is exactly like him. Except for being American and straight. And having no music experience beyond occasional guest DJ gigs while working in a record store. And being incapable of doing anything for himself (even his mother ends up negotiating contracts for him. No, I am not making that up).
Steve Guttenberg, who was never actually a bad actor despite four Police Academy credits, is godawful here. He whines half his dialogue and shouts the other half, usually with a goofy grin on his face. There's an early scene in which he calls out for Sam to get the telephone while she's picking up and folding his laundry, and partway through calls for her again so that she can come listen to his latest "masterpiece." I was sharply reminded of a child calling out for Mommy's attention... at which point I actually snapped at the screen in wonderment that he was meant to even be convincing as a grown man, never mind the movie's "hero."
Sam: The movie's actual heroine. She gets the initial members of the group to record a demo, and even gets her ex-boyfriend, phone-obsessed record producer Steve Waits (Paul Sand), to briefly lend studio space. She later uses her modeling credentials to get the group a spot in a milk commercial, leading directly to their San Francisco breakthrough performance. For all her efforts, she is rewarded by kissing her new boyfriend at the end while everyone hails Jack as a genius. Valere Perrine was nominated as Worst Actress; that's downright bewildering, as she carries this movie on her back to almost the same degree that Sam carries Jack in the story. Unfortunately, the Razzies are regularly unable to distinguish between a bad performance, and a fairly decent performance that just happens to be in a bad movie.
Ron White: This film "introduces" well-known Olympic athlete Bruce Jenner (now Caitlyn Jenner), who plays Ron, an uptight lawyer going through a divorce. I will use "he/him," as Ron is male. He is initially turned off by Jack and the Village People, but soon realizes the error of his ways thanks to his strong desire to sleep with... er, prove himself to Sam. Not long after, he quits his job to provide legal representation to the group. Jenner was also nominated for a Razzie, even though - like Perrine - the performance was probably about as good as the material allowed. Given how much worse Steve Guttenberg is as the ostensible lead, I'm guessing the nomination was a reaction to a high-profile athlete attempting to break into acting.
The Village People: Most of the acting performances from the Village People are... Well, about what you'd expect from professional singers. David Hodo (the Construction Worker) and Ray Simpson (the Cop) do OK with what little they're given; Felipe Rose (the Native American) sounds as if he's reading his lines for the first time ever; Alex Briley (the Soldier) is... present; and Glenn Hughes (Leatherman) has a genuinely showstopping bit in which he climbs on top of a piano to deliver a faithful rendition of Danny Boy that ends up being easily the best bit in the movie. No, I'm not kidding: This does happen, and it's a genuinely terrific moment in the midst of an otherwise awful scene.
All of them are relegated to little more than "singing extras," receiving no real personalities let alone character arcs. This does keep their limited acting ranges from being a problem... but it can't help but seem odd that "The Village People movie" features so little of the, um, Village People.
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| The best part of the movie. No, really. |
"SAY SOMETHING NICE":
For each Golden Raspberry review, I will start by discussing at least one good thing about the film, no matter how bad it otherwise may be. Since I'm determined not to use this section to issue backhanded compliments, this may become a challenge for certain later titles.
In the case of Can't Stop the Music, it isn't hard to find elements that I enjoyed. First, and most obviously, there's the music. I never hated disco, even during the period when hating disco was cool, and I've generally enjoyed the songs of the Village People. As a result, I found most of the musical numbers at least pleasant to listen to.
The film also has a certain stumbling eagerness that makes it impossible to truly dislike. The first twenty minutes or so are a chore to get through... but at a certain point, I found myself sucked in by the sheer enthusiasm. There is nothing mean or even particularly cynical about this movie. It genuinely wants you to have fun watching - and for several stretches, I was able to abandon all critical faculties and go along with it, even while simultaneously rolling my eyes at the labored antics.
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| It takes real dedication to make the opening credits as inept as this. |
"SO... EXACTLY WHAT WERE THEY ON?":
The movie opens with a brief stage-setter in which Jack quits/is fired from his record store job after refusing to give up his gig by staying to do inventory. The scene is badly written, badly acted, and entirely unfunny - but at least it's relatively normal bad movie ineptitude.
Then the credits start. Jack roller-skates around New York, turning in circles and pumping his arms in the air in the most unconvincing display of excitement this side of a fast-food commercial. The Construction Worker from the Village People pops his head out of a manhole cover, and then things get really weird. Jack continues his roller-skating rampage, but now in split screen. Not with Jack in one part of the screen and something else in another, mind you - but with Jack filling every section - usually with the exact same image on the left and right, sometimes with Jack pumping his arms with The Goofy Grin in the center.
A reasonably catchy disco song plays over all this... but neither the editing nor Guttenberg's movements are remotely in time to the beat. Think of the opening to Saturday Night Fever. Now imagine it with an actor lacking any ability to move to music, and with editing that was done before the music track was laid down. Now add a bunch of split-screen - not for any artistic reason, but just because you can.
At least it sets the tone for the film that follows: Trying too hard to grab your attention, and tripping all over itself in the process.
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| A comic love scene between Sam and Ron (Bruce Jenner). Par for the course, it's neither funny nor romantic. |
OTHER MUSINGS:
When Siskel & Ebert named this as one of their "Dogs of 1980," they complained that the film seemingly "couldn't start the music," and it's an apt criticism. Can't Stop the Music isn't so much a musical as it is a lame, unfunny comedy that's (too) occasionally broken up by musical numbers. The songs don't advance the story or give insight into the characters. First (and last) time director Nancy Walker just throws a song in there every twenty minutes or so, then gets on with the tedious antics of Jack, Sam, and Ron.
The movie is amiable enough in its own way. Once I got past the first 20 - 30 minutes, I had a decent enough time watching it. But the "story" is so paper-thin as to be laughable, and the characters neither engage nor entertain. The movie keeps insisting to us that "it's the '80s, kid" - all the while spotlighting a music genre that was already going out of style by the end of the 1970s, interspersed with comedy bits that would feel at home in a farce from the 1950s.
The movie is also a little cowardly. Sam loudly insists to Ron that everyone has their peculiarities, and that she doesn't care about the Village People's as long as they aren't hurting anyone. This is a rare and refreshing attitude to find in an early '80s film. However, though the movie presents the Village People and the other characters with a metric ton of gay imagery, it also takes pains to let us know that each and every person we see is straight... or at least gives each character plausible deniability.
Jack's not gay. He's just taking a break from dating until his music is a success. Look - Sam even makes references to his past antics with stewardesses! Even some of the Village People are introduced with their girlfriends. "There's nothing gay about the half-naked man thrusting his pelvis at the camera," the movie seems to want to assure us. "Look - He has a girlfriend and everything. Now let's move on to the totally heterosexual guys in speedos diving sideways in formation into a swimming pool."
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| A musical number about milk. |
THE OTHER NOMINEES:
1980 was the inaugural year for the Golden Raspberry Awards. The awards were the brainchild of John Wilson, a UCLA film graduate who reportedly got the idea after enduring a double-feature of Can't Stop the Music and Xanadu.
While later years would see the Raspberries limited to five nominees, in 1980 they allowed themselves ten. The other films in contention for Worst Picture were: Cruising, a dull, grimy, and uncomfortably homophobic thriller starring Al Pacino; The Formula, a serviceable potboiler with George C. Scott and an enjoyably gonzo Marlon Brando; the original Friday the 13th; The Nude Bomb, a misjudged bigscreen version of the TV series Get Smart!; the Neil Diamond-led remake of The Jazz Singer; Raise the Titanic, a spy thriller that bravely leaves out all the actual thrills; Saturn 3, a moronic sci-fi flick that tried to present Kirk Douglas and Farrah Fawcett as a couple; Windows, with Talia Shire stalked by an unhinged lesbian (what was with the Godfather cast that year?); and Xanadu, the infamous Olivia Newton-John musical dud.
The Formula and Friday the 13th aren't even particularly bad pictures within their limited ambitions, and they don't belong on this list. I haven't seen either Xanadu or Windows, though I'm confident both are dreadful.
Of the remainder, I'd rate Raise the Titanic as the worst movie on a cinematic level; it's badly acted (with the exception of a wonderful cameo by Alec Guinness); save for the actual Titanic raising, it mostly looks like a TV movie; and it is so leadenly paced that it could be marketed as a cure for insomnia. That said, Cruising - though much better-made and generally well-acted - is also dull, and it managed to inspire real-life violence against the gay community, which is enough for it to earn my nod. Either of those would be a better choice for 1980's Worst Picture than this harmless and inoffensive piece of fluff.
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| The Village People perform. The movie needed more of this. |
OVERALL:
Can't Stop the Music is not in any way a good movie, but I have trouble considering it the worst picture of any year. This film badly wants you to like it, and there's a certain charm to its earnest but stumbling efforts to amuse. If you like disco in general, and the Village People in particular, you are certain to at least enjoy the soundtrack. If you don't... Well, you'd probably want to skip this even if was a whole lot better.
Rating: Raspberry. It's just too good-natured for me to give it a lower rating.
Worst Picture: 1981 - Mommie Dearest
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